


Tonight

by zombiegardener



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Explicit Language, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-17 11:19:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8141890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiegardener/pseuds/zombiegardener
Summary: It's been a bad day. Everyone just needs to escape.





	1. Lance

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a tumblr post I read last night and now cannot find (though I will and it will be linked if it kills me) that wouldn't leave me alone. I had to get this out of my head so I could focus on acute kidney injury like I'm supposed to be doing right now.

Lance made for the exit, forcing his oh-so-polite smile to reach his eyes while he made his escape. The aliens in the “ballroom”- Lance couldn’t imagine what else to call the huge open area even if he’d never actually _seen_ a ballroom outside of a movie- made a bowing motion and contoured their features into what his brain was choosing to interpret as polite, diplomatic smiles of their own. He had almost made it to the door when one of them ( _the chancellor? grand vizier? wait, weren’t grand viziers always evil?_ ) caught him with direct eye contact.

Keeping his sigh completely internal ( _see? he could do tact_ ), he slowed his steps and made an effort to widen his smile.

“Paladin! We’re so happy you’re here. Let me introduce you to…” The name of the individual to whom he was being introduced was impossible to pronounce with a human tongue so he mentally named him ( _her? it?_ ) Susan. The introductions were followed by pleasantries of the sort that he was quickly learning were par for the course at this sort of event, and he wished desperately that it would all stop. Thankfully, the aliens were mostly conversing amongst themselves, only occasionally gesturing in his direction as they recounted the day’s events. Lance normally would have preened under the attention, but tonight he couldn’t listen because they were _wrong_. He wasn’t heroic and people could have _died_ and now they were standing around drinking cocktails and missing the most important part of the story. Wrenching his glance with a jolt from where it had drifted to his uniform’s wrist display ( _3 hours_ ), he stopped paying attention to the political double-speak, relatively sure that species ( _genus? family? order? why wasn’t this situation covered in his biology classes anyway?_ ) differences would protect him. Besides, he was confident that Allura would cover beautifully for any of their lapses. Instead, his eyes glanced over the crowd, taking in Hunk surrounded by a group of admirers and looking like he’d given anything to escape. Lance immediately felt guilty about his own attempt and considered excusing himself to rescue the yellow paladin, but motion out of the corner of his eye from the area of the room he was resolutely avoiding caught his gaze. Against his will, he felt his attention being pulled back to Keith.

The red paladin was standing with Shiro near Allura, where the older man could keep an eye on the princess as usual. Keith was looking pensive as always, although he did manage a small smile whenever he was addressed or Shiro gave him that look that always seemed to make Keith spiral backwards out of instinct. Even if the smile wasn’t real ( _and it wasn’t, he had all of Keith’s smiles memorized by now_ ), it still made Lance’s heart skip a beat. A touch on his arm let him refocus, and he took a deep breath before turning what he hoped was a dazzling smile on whoever it was that was talking to him.

“Hi. It’s lovely to meet you, and we’re so glad to be here with you today!” He issued a silent prayer to whoever was listening that the response covered whatever had just been said to him, because honestly he had no clue. It must have been close, because the gestures ( _smiles? why did he think of them as smiles anyway? they were missing mouths as he understood them. how did they eat?_ ) seemed to morph into something ( _amusement?_ ) that made him wonder how long he’d actually been staring inappropriately at Keith. Lance took an involuntary step back as his eyes darted to the door again. He needed to get out. He couldn’t do this, not when his chest felt so tight he didn’t understand how he was still breathing and he could feel his face flushing even in the cool night air.

“Um… I’m sorry, but if you’ll excuse me, I need to…” His voice trailed off, completely unable to think of a good excuse and slightly too terrified to risk Allura’s wrath to try an inappropriate one. Thankfully, the chancellor ( _maybe?_ ) waved one arm in a grand gesture, effectively releasing him. Lance nodded one last time because it seemed to be what they did and who was he to argue and tried not to bolt for freedom.

He made it outside at something less than a run and didn’t stop moving until he rounded the corner of a wall that seemed to be fixed out of one piece of stone that reached an unreal distance into the sky. There weren’t any joints that he could see, only seamless black stone reflecting back the starlight and a full moon just rising over the horizon. It was almost a tower. All they needed was a couple of little people and a ring and they could start a quest.

The nearly hysterical laughter that bubbled up at the thought warned him just how close to the edge he was. Taking another deep breath, he slid down the wall and slumped on the ground with his back against the slightly ( _unnaturally_ ) warm stone and looked out at the lions. They were standing in the field beneath the hilltop tower, huge robot sentinels against the alien backdrop. For a moment he tried to imagine Blue against the crowded ocean beach at home, nestling among the waves surrounded by surfers and screaming children and tourists, but the idea wouldn’t take and just brought a wave of homesickness crashing on top of everything else he had going on tonight.

He felt a gentle touch on his mind, sending reassurance and love and concern, and he used the link as a lifeline. Letting his head drop back against the wall, he closed his eyes and tried to shove everything away. He couldn’t stay out here forever, so he really needed to get his shit together before anyone decided to come looking for him. He couldn’t take pity or quiet understanding or the parental concern that Shiro sometimes projected, as welcome as it usually was. Not tonight.

If he was honest with himself, tonight he just wanted to be alone. It wasn’t normal for him, but it wasn’t unheard of, either, and it wouldn’t be the first time he bailed on something for personal shit. He should go back inside, find someone to flirt with, tell jokes, be _Lance_. The others were managing. Hell, even _Keith_ was managing, and there was no way Mullet was better than him at working a crowd. The thought would have been hilarious under almost any other circumstances. 

Tonight, though, his nerves, his thoughts, maybe even his soul felt rubbed raw, things usually hidden emerging into the light because his protections were sandblasted away from the horror of watching an entire fucking fleet sighting on Pidge. Pidge, who wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for him, because she/he/ _they_ would have stayed on the rootop listening to radio transmissions with rage simmering just beneath that introverted yet caustic surface forever if Lance hadn’t decided they should all follow a crash out into the desert. Most of the time he was grateful that Hunk and Pidge had followed him that night, but Jesus Pidge was like 14 and what were they thinking? They should be chatting online and obsessing over video games or something and not almost dying in cold uncaring space far from home. Hell, they all should be.

He pulled his knees up to his constricted chest and resolutely did not think of Pidge in a cryotube in the castle. They’d be fine, they always were. All protestations aside, Pidge _was_ fine. Hell, Pidge would probably not even flinch, just turn all that resolve back to the search for their dad and Matt and their quest to do, well honestly, whatever it was they were doing to the computer systems because he zoned and couldn’t remember any details. It was just… It wasn’t serious, or not that serious on a scale that ranged somewhere between a broken arm and getting yourself blown the hell up, and Lance could testify to that scale. No, it wasn’t serious, but Pidge hadn’t been trained as a pilot, and despite all their bravado, this was the first time they’d been hurt, and it was getting to him in a way he wasn’t prepared for. If anything, Pidge would be annoyed and a pain in the ass for the next several days. The irrational happiness that thought produced surged with the tangled mix of his emotions almost painfully, making him feel sick.

Keeping his eyes closed, he focused on his link with Blue and tried to find his center. He needed to get back inside. He’d promised Pidge he wouldn’t wait outside the damn cryo chamber. Hell, Pidge had made them all promise. They said they needed the silence, which was just so _Pidge_ that he could feel that awful laugh trying to bubble up again and there wasn’t time for this right now. Right now he needed to rescue Hunk. He needed to do something, not just sit here and have an existential fucking meltdown. This planet was in a perfect location to use as a base and had resources the castle desperately needed. He could fall apart later, in the quiet of his room with his music for company ( _oh, god, had he charged his player?_ ). He could do this. He could… His mind drew a blank, because he couldn’t fall back on his default flirt mode when he couldn’t even tell if the aliens _had_ genders or sexual mores or whatever and his teammates were currently off limits. Shiro because he was Shiro and that would be weird, even for Lance, Allura because she was busy, Hunk because he’d see right through him and Lance was too tired for sympathy, and Keith because… because tonight he was afraid it would be too real and the barriers wouldn’t stay up and even Keith couldn’t fail to miss that, could he? Besides, contrary to popular belief, his flirting was a pure defense mechanism and not desperation, a way to draw attention in a large family and a town filled with tourists that didn’t mean anything and didn’t give anything away, and tonight he really didn’t want attention. 

So maybe he’d go back inside, rescue Hunk, tell a few jokes, and be a good little paladin. And if he was too quiet and the laughter was a little too forced, probably only Hunk and maybe Shiro would notice anyway, and more than likely they’d let it go. They’d had the same day he’d had, after all, and he’d noticed more than one glance at their wrists to check the countdown until Pidge woke up.

He pushed himself to his feet, ran a hand through his hair to ensure that he hadn’t pulled it into oblivion while hiding in the dark, and glanced one more time towards Blue.

It was just tonight. He could survive this, and then tomorrow… 

Well, tomorrow was another day.


	2. Keith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith deals with Pidge being hurt and the way his life has changed. Which is a stupid summary, but what can you do?
> 
> Now slightly edited, because I apparently shouldn't post things at 5:30 AM regardless of whether I can sleep or not.

Keith was trying to listen to the conversations around him. Usually it wasn’t this hard. Usually he could focus on Shiro’s strength beside him and listen and “just try to look like you’re not two steps from murdering someone” ( _Pidge’s words, and even their echo inside his head almost made him flinch_ ). He should be focused because he had a job to do right now and the fact that it didn’t involve his bayard and required him to stand still feigning polite interest was irrelevant. The planet had resources that they needed and were ( _hopefully_ ) new allies with the potential to sway an entire system. Besides, no matter how much politics were not his thing ( _and oh god, they so weren’t; why did everyone always feel the need to talk so much when they weren’t really saying anything?_ ), focusing was important because Allura was standing two feet away surrounded by unknown aliens and Shiro ( _and, okay, all of them, but especially Shiro_ ) would be destroyed if anything happened to her. Besides, Keith wasn’t convinced that Coran wasn’t incapable of starting an intergalactic incident if he learned that someone even looked at the princess wrong. He probably had cameras, and sometimes he just got...caught up in the moment and lost track of the big picture. Like Lance. 

Or apparently like himself right now, because his attention has already wandered again. It was just the adrenaline, lingering twinges from the fight and the shock and the fury of it all. That’s all this was, and he should be used to it by now. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Shiro glance surreptitiously at his wrist and felt his own gut tighten with the urge to do the same.

Instead he clenched his fists to fight the urge because he was stronger than this and it wouldn’t help anyway. He needs to focus, not obsess about things that are currently out of his control. Allura, Shiro, the rest of his scattered teammates- these are things he can affect. He doesn’t need to check the countdown ( _3 hours_ ) because he saw Shiro’s and he glanced at his own five minutes ago anyway. There’s nothing he can do right now, so he just needs to let it all go and focus on the moment. Pidge is fine, they’ll be up in 3 hours ( _2:55 now_ ). He doesn’t need to be worried. It was barely a fucking scratch as far as the need for the cryopod goes ( _but if it was a scratch the cryopod wouldn’t be involved, and his mind needs to shut up right now because everything is fine_ ). 

It’s just… He gets Pidge, at least as well as he gets anyone. He can understand their drive to find their family because it echoes his own drive to find Shiro during that year he spent in the desert. And if the memories that comparison evokes are often uncomfortable, at least they make _sense_ , and sometimes those feelings are the only thing that does in his life. Sometimes he finds himself almost longing for that cabin, with its solitude and peace and _quiet_.

Life was a lot easier during that year on his own. His life had a purpose ( _sure, he had a larger purpose now, but it was loud and overwhelming and honestly sometimes terrifying and people got hurt_ ). He’d found the Blue Lion even if he had no idea what she was and wouldn’t have been able to reach her without Lance ( _and there was another problem he had no idea what to do with right now_ ). He’d always been better on his own than with a team because he hated having to stop and explain himself and people only hurt you when you trusted them. Even Shiro had left ( _that wasn’t fair, he knew it wasn’t fair, but it was true_ ) and now apparently he had not only a team but a family and with it all these complications. He hadn’t asked for a family. He’d had one, once, and look how that had turned out. He had a job to do, one that was arguably hand-delivered to them by fate, and he wasn’t going to let these sudden overwhelming emotions for other people completely screw that up. 

Like Pidge, for example. What they hell where they thinking anyway? Green is fast and she can be cloaked, but nothing can overcome the scrutiny of an entire fucking fleet. They were relying too much on their tech and not paying enough attention to the actual moment. And that dive was a stupid decision ( _and admittedly exactly the kind of decision he always made, so he was an expert on the topic if anyone was_ ) because Green didn’t have that kind of agility and they almost got themselves killed!

He could feel the rage start bubbling under the surface again with almost welcome familiarity, but now wasn’t the time. He could work it off on the training deck later, when Pidge was awake and had been properly yelled at by everyone and had promised to never do anything that fucking stupid ever again. Now the rage wasn’t an asset like it could be in battle. It was a distraction, and he had a job to do and he damn well was going to do it and stop being so distracted.

Decision made, he turned his attention back to Allura’s voice while scrutinizing the aliens surrounding her. This race was weird in the non-humanoid sci-fi movie of the week sort of way that Hollywood loved, which was making his scrutiny difficult. He thought there might be a subtle shift in the color of their skin that signified something like facial expressions, but he wasn’t always the best at reading other humans and trying to figure out what an entirely different species was thinking was impossible. A glance at Shiro told him the older man was focused on Allura’s words, but his calm face wasn’t giving anything away. Probably that meant there wasn’t a threat. A quick glance around the ballroom showed him Hunk and Lance surrounded by separate groups of aliens, but their backs were to him and he couldn’t really see their faces. They both looked tense, maybe, but that was to be expected. They all were. Besides, chances were good that they both were bonding or something and had instinctively figured out how to read whatever the aliens were projecting because they did that and it was kind of unfair. Hell, Lance had probably found someone to hit on ( _which wasn’t fair either, because he’d seen Lance’s face when Pidge ordered them all out_ ).

Forcing his eyes away from the annoyance that was the blue palladin, he jerked his attention back to the task at hand because this whole situation was ridiculous. They shouldn’t be here, alliances be damned. Shouldn’t potential allies understand loss ( _also not fair- how many people had any planet lost over the last 10,000 years? but he couldn’t bring himself to care right now because it was Pidge_ )? Shouldn’t they be back at the castle instead of celebrating the almost hollow victory this was? Shouldn’t they be together instead of scattered across a ballroom attempting to socialize or whatever the hell the others were doing because Keith hadn’t really ventured away from Shiro yet tonight because fuck that. He was done with today and no one would ever claim he was good at this kind of thing even on a good day, which this wasn’t, and he wasn’t going to “just smile and nod, Keith,” no matter what Lance said because the other paladin was an idiot and he wasn’t taking his advice.

His gaze had jumped back to Lance with that train of thought seemingly of its own accord. The blue palladin’s shoulders were visibly tense even from this angle, and he’d turned enough so that Keith could see the ( _fake_ ) smile plastered on his face. He was trying his best to broadcast carefree but was missing it by a mile, and Keith wondered how the aliens around him couldn’t see it because it was so obvious. Lance sucked at hiding his emotions at the best of times, and tonight was far from the best. He wanted to be back at the Castle, Keith guessed, away from the noise and the people because Lance hid when he was too stressed and tired to play social games. It was one of the only one of Lance’s traits he was sure he understood.

Laughter caught his attention, and Keith jerked his gaze back to Allura, feeling a flush crawl over his pale skin with frustration at his wandering attention. Allura gestured in his direction gracefully and someone ( _he had no idea who, because seriously, he hadn’t been following the conversation enough to care_ ) asked him a question. He let a small ( _hopefully polite_ ) smile slide onto his face and answered, letting the conversation distract him even when he could feel the minutes ticking by in the back of his mind. He managed to ( _mostly_ ) maintain his focus until Shiro tensed slightly. Suddenly alert for the source of the problem, Keith’s eyes darted over the ballroom just in time to see Lance slipping out the doorway. Shiro sighed quietly but didn’t say anything, eyes drifting between Allura, the doorway, and Hunk, who was looking uncomfortable and like he’d love to escape as well.

He didn’t though, because Hunk was a rock and would do what needed to be done. He wasn’t an idiot who just decided to disappear from sight on an alien planet. They’d already almost lost Pidge today and Lance couldn’t even walk around the castle without getting forced into an airlock and almost killed. He need a keeper, for fuck’s sake, and he definitely shouldn’t be walking around alone in his state of mind. He’d probably end up chained to a tree again. 

And why did he care, anyway? Lance was a big boy, he could take care of himself ( _well, probably_ ). Not that he was distracted by stupid Lance and his stupid smiles and the stupid way they made his heart stutter because he wasn’t, and anyway that was another thing he never asked for that was probably going to hurt in the end or mess up the team dynamics and get them all killed because only he would fall for a total moron when he was stranded with in the middle of the universe.

He didn’t realize he’d taken a step towards the door until Shiro’s hand came down on his shoulder. He realized he was glaring when he turned and saw the look on Shiro’s face, which somehow managed to be understanding and forbidding at the same time. He wanted to explain, but he wasn’t sure he knew how. Lance just shouldn’t be left alone right now, that’s all. Even he could see that. None of them should.

Another glance at Allura told Keith she was fine, and anyway, Shiro would die before anything happened to her. He pulled himself away from Shiro with irritation at the concern in his expression and turned towards Hunk. The yellow paladin was glancing towards the door with a worried expression on his face, but wasn’t making any move to follow Lance either. That was fine; they could just wait together. At least technobabble or whatever Hunk was up to would be more interesting than politics.

Hunk shot him a grateful smile when he walked up and Keith felt himself smile in response. It was probably tight and unnatural, but what were the chances that aliens without mouths could read human expressions? He couldn’t contribute to the conversation because he’d missed most of it ( _and probably wouldn’t have been able to if he’d walked up at the beginning because Hunk was brilliant and most of what he said slipped over his head_ ), so he just stayed still, feigned polite interest, and tried not to stare at the empty doorway ( _and failed, probably, but he didn’t really care anymore_ ). He’d just glanced away from the doorway ( _so, yeah, failing at the not staring thing_ ) and returned Hunk’s worried look and was seriously considering risking Shiro’s ( _or worse, Allura’s_ ) wrath and leaving when Lance slipped back inside. Keith left out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding as Lance walked over to join them. He met Lance’s eyes as whatever Hunk was talking to the alien scientists about washed over him and lost himself for a minute in the ocean blue depths. It was better, now, with the three of them together, even if Hunk was just this side of twitchy and Lance was so quiet and pale that he was almost unrecognizable. Keith wondered how he looked, and then he realized that he and Lance were still staring at each other and that he should probably look away because they were supposed to be working and not doing whatever this was. He glanced back to Shiro, fighting with the sudden realization that he wanted the other man here with them within reach because that meant that he really did feel better ( _complete_ ) when they were all together. So fine, maybe Hunk had a point and they were a family because right now he missed Pidge like a missing limb and knew he wouldn’t feel whole again until they woke up ( _2:30 and counting_ ). The thought surprised him and he glanced at Lance again, but the other pilot was watching Hunk now with an expression that was leaning towards fondness and amusement under the strain.

Keith still had no idea what Hunk was talking about or why it was funny, but he didn’t care. He was still caught up in the realization that they’d be back together ( _whole_ ) in a couple of hours and that that felt right in a way he could never put into words. 

That maybe family was worth the distraction, no matter the cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be quick and easy and yet took me a week to write, so what the heck? I had Hunk's chapter mostly done but Keith was supposed to come first and just was not cooperating. So on that note I'm calling this done for the moment and moving on.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a short one-shot just to get the idea out of my head. It was supposed to involve Keith. My brain had other ideas, apparently. I might write a short bit from everyone's pov and make it a week long project depending on how that goes because I like the idea of working out how everyone would deal with something happening to Pidge for the first time. Also, I hate the title, but it's all I've got at the moment.


End file.
